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More Balancing….

SaLuSa: “Man is still strongly influenced by his warrior image that he has carried with him for eons of time. When will you learn that your warlike ways are so futile and gain you no advantage in the long run?” (June 2, 2010.)

Life isn’t what it used to be.

Years ago, things looked fairly black and white. I could divide the world into the good and the bad and that was the end of it. I could traffic in generalizations and just back it up with bluster, which I disguised as “passion” or “commitment.” I had my way.

But the fire in me is dying down as each month passes. The energy of antagonism, the “us against them” gusto, the male superhero energy is gradually dropping away. I have no competitiveness any more. I don’t even feel a desire to win – at someone else’s expense.

What is coming home more and more is that, if things were once so cut and dried, there is much moistness now, many more refined distinctions to the black and white.

For instance, I think we’re still confronted with the necessity to oppose the influence of the dark forces but today we find ourselves doing it knowing full well that many of those now seemingly shrouded in darkness will abandon it before long and join the Light. This is not a mere belief for me any more. It’s becoming a felt conviction.

Yes, my face is still set against darkness, but it isn’t set against people quite so much as it used to be. I see that the darkness will disappear, but I also see that the people will join the Light. I can make that distinction now where I couldn’t before.

A friend once told me, and his words grow more meaningful as each year passes, we’ll all be sitting at the same table before this age is up. Yes, we will, it seems.

Perhaps it’s the slow simmering that the increasing Light is causing. Perhaps it’s the transition to crystal structure. Maybe the new DNA is kicking in. I have no idea.

This rapid loss of aggressiveness has me totally off-stride. I used to be defined by aggression, by push and drive. I made a mission, a virtue of testosterone. To watch that aggressiveness leaving me and leaving imperceptibly is to feel vulnerable, naked.

My story is gone. My mask has been removed. The Wizard of Oz has been discovered behind the curtain. Superman is wilting in the face of kryptonite. Samson cannot lift a stone with his anchorite’s hair shorn.

I imagine this will be our lot in life as we move further into the new energies – letting go continuously. Sometimes I find myself just sitting here blankly, feeling unable to respond as I’ve done for years, without a line, without a rejoinder. I don’t know myself any more. How would others know me?

I know it isn’t wise to substitute a new act for the one I’ve just discarded. I must sit here vulnerably, openly, not knowing what to say.

I weep at how defenceless I feel these days. And nothing external has changed. I’m just not the person I used to be.

2 Comments leave one →
  1. John Kronske permalink
    September 19, 2010 12:32 pm

    This is such a good article for me. Its always nice to share the same feelings with others 🙂
    It seems the last time I felt this way about losing part of me was when I had gotten divorced and felt so incompatible towards other women and I hadn’t been intimate or partnering with anyone else for many years. It was like being naked in a crowd with a little one :). Facing my peers seems just as challenging as most I find are more aggressive than me in my new paradigm.

  2. July 29, 2010 8:46 pm

    This is magnificent! I want to know who wrote this, please? It says Salusa…but this is not channeled…was that just a quote? I understand what you are expressing so perfectly. Yes, I too, have no competitive fiber left in me! Somedays it makes me feel so weak, as I see those with ambition and drive around me still seemingly “taking the bull by the horns” and I feel so left out of all of it. Then, I have those moments of clarity where I see that the competition is all part of the ego and the social programming and that there really is nothing to WIN anyway! I’ve always been witty and used to take joy in outsmarting people with some comment…and now, I find myself just smiling internally and giggling about what I would have said back then…it is odd, isn’t it? But do you really want to jump back in it? I mean…it’s kind of a neverending cycle or insanity, yeah? I have a blog , if you want to read about my awakening experiences and have a few laughs to boot;) Happily Giving In,

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