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The Winter of Our Discontent

October 12, 2010

Sometimes, when I’ve shared how I’ve been feeling, you’ve responded that you’ve been feeling the same way too. I’ve been surprised because I think I’m the only one going through these gyrations.

I hope that, when I share how I’m feeling at this moment, others respond that they feel this way too again. Otherwise it’s too embarrassing and dismaying being this vulnerable, feeling as if one is out here on the skinny branches all alone, day after day, in the midst of a maelstrom.

I keep doing it, returning to the task, hoping the situation won’t be so bad today that I simply won’t have to lay down tools, feeling as if I’m hiding when I naturally gravitate towards transparency, wondering if one can be, or should be, transparent while riding the waves up and down, remembering that I’ve taken on the work of interpretation but wondering if I can interpret from this space.

I feel like I’m on an emotional roller-coaster. It’s dizzying. Up and down, up and down. On a moving floor. On a ship at sea.

Another aspect of the situation is like being an emotional pulsar. At one point my energy is normal and then it suddenly drops away to nothing. There is no warning and the drop-off lasts only for a short time and then picks up again. And then my energy drops off again, only to return a short time later.

The fact that there is no warning makes it impossible to predict. That can lead to some pretty awkward social situations.

A few days ago I had a dinner to go to, which I had to call off because the ringing in my ears grew so loud that all I could do was lie down in the face of it. And then a short time later the ringing went back to normal (it never completely disappears) and I can carry on.

Last night, in the course of coming home from dinner out, I was fine and then, boarding the bus, my energy dropped quickly and dramatically off, and then I was fine again, and by the time I walked in the door, I could only slump in my chair. And then fine again and then wiped out.

My neighbor dropped by when I was slumped over, but then a few minutes later I’m typing away, fine again, and then slumped over.

How can I even talk about it, it is such a weird phenomenon? How can I acknowledge going through such strangeness? There is no precedent for it. It falls largely outside anything discussed anywhere in any literature.

“Well, doctor, my energy is fine and then it drops off again and then I’m fine.”

“Well, Steve, what would you like me to do about it?”

“Well, I’m not sure if anything can be done about it.”

“Ok, then why are you here???”

At the same time, so much new information is arising that the occasion fairly begs comment. It’s like riding a train through France and seeing so much new scenery and so many new buildings and yet being so sick one can only watch them without being able to say a word.

For instance, if I wasn’t on this emotional roller-coaster, I would love to comment on what Suzan Carroll’s sources say about crop circles. Here they reveal that one crop circle at least is the representation of a stargate and they tell us how to use that crop circle to project ourselves out of our bodies and into a form that can visit Zantarius, an Arcturian planet. (1)

The crop circle is here:

The Arcturians reveal that at least some crop circles are aids to open stargates. Here is the way they begin their discussion so you can see the type of language they use in discussing it:


“As we said before, our symbolic language is often shared with Earth via our crop circles. The ‘message’ of the crop circles below, speaks of opening Portals into the higher frequencies of reality.

“First, we ground our higher frequency light and unconditional love into Gaia by ‘writing’ our crop circles on her body of Earth. Then, we leave a message for those who wish to ‘read’ our language with the power of their fifth dimensional imagination. We will now ‘translate’ our message into English.

“This crop circle ‘reads’ that by raising the resonance of light and sound 7 (number for spiritual seeking) times, you can initiate the opening of a fifth dimensional Portal grounded on Gaia by this crop circle.” (2)

This is fantastic. I’ve been asking for informed commentary on crop circles for weeks and now here it is, staring me in my roller-coaster face.

Here is a recent column by Sarah Ince, in which Sarah showed this crop circle and wrote:

“I went into meditation on this crop circle last night and received amazing information and energies. There is MUCH this crop circle has to share, and it is significant. I connected with the code it has within it. Amazing things happened, much healing. A two way conversation with light beings.” (3)

Oh. my, how I’d love to do that too, as soon as the floor stops moving up and down.

So at the very time that I (and possibly you) am being given a great deal of very useful information on how to tap into some pretty amazing things (if true), I am maximally “off my game.”

The Arcturians, in the same article as the crop circle picture appears, offer a partial explanation of what is happening energetically. They say:

“Having the courage to be your true, Multidimensional SELF while living on a third-dimensional planet can create a constant sense of fatigue because your consciousness is vibrating at a higher frequency than your earth vessel.” (4)

This “sense of fatigue” may be the rapid drop in energy that I described.

So it is frustrating that so much is happening and yet my energies (perhaps yours as well) are fluctuating so dramatically and unpredictably. I feel very embarrassed even discussing it. I may have to simply post other people’s articles until the floor stops undulating.

I can only imagine that this may be our lot at many other points as well until some resolution occurs – perhaps the resolution that the Arcturians suggest where we move from being identified with 3D reality and spending a limited amount of time in 5D consciousness to being identified with 5D reality and spending a limited amount of time in 3D consciousness.

Of this dilemma they say:

“Furthermore, when your consciousness is resonating to the fifth dimension and beyond it is difficult to remain focused on the mundane chores of your physical life. Hence, you must constantly adjust and re-adjust your consciousness to remain in the third dimensional world of your current service. …

“As you travel back and forth between the fifth and the third dimension, you find that you are actually living in-between these two worlds. Your consciousness now resonates to the fifth dimension while your earth vessel remains physical. Because of your inter-dimensional travels, you feel vast changes within you that you cannot understand. You are having trouble remaining fully consciousness in the third dimension, but you cannot stay focused in the fifth dimension either. …

“More and more you are thinking fifth dimensionally, which leaves your third dimensional thoughts limiting and sluggish in your mind. …

“As you remember to live in Unity with all life, your consciousness becomes more and more firmly implanted into the fifth dimension. Then, instead of living in the third dimension and visiting the fifth, you will be living in the fifth dimension and visiting the third.” (5)

Indeed, that says it all. How fortuitous to be reading this column even as I’m living what it talks about.

So life these days is an unpredictable roller-coaster ride, full of strangeness and unflattering circumstances, disorienting, discombobulating, even while it calls upon me (and perhaps you) to exercise maximal good sense and discrimination.

I want to run away and hide. But I have a job to do.

If my act is “looking good,” I could not possibly succeed right now! I have to drop the desire to look good. It has to be OK with me that I have the emotional equivalent of dishevelled hair or I won’t make it through these times in one piece or even many pieces.

Hopefully this is the winter of our discontent, the worst it gets. I’m not getting off the roller coaster, but I’d like to carry on with some semblance of normality.


(1) Suzan Carroll, “Opening Portals – I,” at

(2) Loc. cit.

(3) Sarah Ince, “Crop Circle to Heal the DNA,” Pure Gaia, at

(4) Suzan Carroll, ibid.

(5) Loc. cit.

23 Comments leave one →
  1. Cristina permalink
    October 13, 2010 6:30 pm

    Much LOVE to you dear Brother !

  2. Annette Kohn-Lau permalink
    October 13, 2010 7:46 am

    All I can say is AMEN!

  3. Mary Lou permalink
    October 13, 2010 7:30 am

    Thank you all so much; the timing was perfection, of course. For me, above all else, the message has been to be gentle with self and find the compassion for others and TRUST that they are on the right path for their own Ascension. Yet it isn’t easy as we know. Love and light to all who have helped me find the connection today.
    Mary Lou

  4. Matthew permalink
    October 13, 2010 5:01 am

    Hi Steve,

    Over the last few months I have also been experiencing the same as you and your readers.

    For many years I have religiously stuck to my own daily routines and never wavered from them. Of late the things I used to enjoy (like cleaning lol) mean nothing to me anymore and I just cannot be bothered as most days I dont have the energy to get going. My job no longer gives me any satisfaction whatsoever and I now resent it.

    Some days I drive to work full of the joys of spring and other days is is as if I am a different person altogether from the day before.

    I am not used to experiencing so many downers and I have to keep reminding myself that I am here for a reason and that reason will show itself soon.

    To be totally honest I spend a lot of time looking up to the sky with a yearning in my heart to re-connect to something long lost.

    Now when I have a bad day, I just accept it for what it is and when I remember, thank it. Of course I do know that tomorrow I may well be back on top of the world again and that thought helps me through the day.

    Much love and blessings to you dear brother – fingers crossed it wont be for much longer eh! 🙂

  5. jenada5015 permalink
    October 13, 2010 12:45 am

    Dear Steve.

    Thanks once again for explaining and reminding me what these aches, pains, dizzy spells, lethargy, complete loss of energy and not wanting to get out of bed days, are coming from… and what they mean. This is one of those days for me, one in which I don’t even want to move.

    Love and Light to you Steve, and all my Brothers and Sisters, all going through the same thing TOGETHER.


  6. Roxanne Bohnow permalink
    October 12, 2010 5:13 pm

    I am not doing as badly as some of you by the sounds of things. For my part what seems to be happening is that I have been feeling the energy wave surges that are pulsing through our solorsystem. These waves are hitting me like waves of emotions and feeling that are not my own. I have always been sencitive to others emotional states to the point that I could feel them from 4,000 miles away. At this point I feel more like a lightning rod that is being used to ground these energy waves to the earth. It starts at the top of my head and runs down my whole body as if it were a galatinus substance. My scalp has been tingling for weeks and I feel like a Madusa with my hair constantly moving of its own accord. My sleep pattern is 2 hours asleep, 1/2 hour awake, and back to sleep again over a 9 hour time frame. It is during the last 2 hours of sleep that I enter a dream state. My last dream was about a meteor shower being some kind of signal for the start of something big and I was trying to get right under the meteor shower that looked as if the stars were falling from the sky, it was that massive of a meteor shower. What this means I can not say, but I do know that it is important.

    my love to all of you, roxanne

  7. John Kronske permalink
    October 12, 2010 3:20 pm

    Asension needs company! Thanx for sharing all of you this is the community gossip I long for 🙂 Anywho floating back and forth from 3D to 5D can have its ups and downs. For me walking in Nature every day balances me and makes me want to share my love with everyone I meet, even if its just a big Hi and visualizing a bright pink flame from my heart to theirs upon passing. The sleepy-ness is a sympthom of our plight ho humm time to rest 🙂

  8. October 12, 2010 2:19 pm

    I was just introduced to your blog and enjoyed this post. Looking forward to browsing through others. I also write a blog which is mostly on the Shift, Awakening, 2012, ascensions, whatever you want to call it;

  9. Starseed permalink
    October 12, 2010 11:47 am

    Ah, Steve!

    You emerge with your transparency & describe me on any given day since spring equinox! It does seem to be getting easier to pull out of it and balance; however, since the fall equinox. Being kind to oneself is a must and allowing ourselves to just BE is another key.

    No need to feel embarrassed or dismayed for as you can see you are definitely not alone!

    Thanks again for your vulnerability and for letting us know that we are in good company!


  10. Sarah permalink
    October 12, 2010 11:33 am

    Hi Steve! Thank you so much for this website! Without it, I would be lost to my own ego thoughts and would have never experienced the Light.

    Steve, I just wanted to you to remember something someone told me. It is better to be on a rollercoaster than the merry-go-round. Sure, the merry-go-round is safe, simple, EASY. But if life were like the merry-go-round, you wouldn’t be able to experience PURE JOY, love, excitement, new discoveries and happiness, like you would with the rollercoaster. Yes, there will be hard times (we are all waiting for Ascension, and I admit, I can be very inpatient at times) but the reward is coming with all it’s vast love and light.

    Now what would you rather ride. The merry-go-round…or the rollercoaster??

    I choose the rollercoaster. I choose ups and downs, because the downs are only temporary in this paradigm we call ‘life’…the greatest up of all, Ascension is coming!

  11. October 12, 2010 10:20 am

    There seems to be an actual rhythm to this high/low. One feels really up and able to swim the atlantic ocean then the polarity of fatigue.

    Yes, naps are mandatory which I’m thinking allows the physical to adjust and probably the rest of our bodies as well. There are days I do not venture far from home; eat little and its all about rest.

    I’m trying to pay attention to the influx of new energy/information or experiential communication. It seems to lift me into a field of deeper/higher understanding and I’m thinking the integration process into the third dimension slows me down to a crawl.

    Its possible that we might help the sitution by designating specific times within our day to align our Light/Awareness with our I AM Presence. Take IT in and rest? Our water intake is important but someone else needs to talk about how water conducts energy? Maybe, our intake of water helps to disperse the electrical currents in a smooth flow rather then being hit with a bolt of lighting.

  12. October 12, 2010 9:49 am

    Me, too! I was leading a Oneness Blessing event on 10-10, and in the middle of guiding people, forgot what I was doing, and said so out loud!!! I’m not willing to hide anything.

    Chronic low energy, worse in the evenings. Lots of heat going thru my bodies often.

    I asked, and this is probably a typical answer for a lot of us, what per cent of my bodies are now crystalline, and I get 91%.

    I prayed for success and abundance, I think it was, with the guidance of an email a few days ago, and in my low energy evening, played computer solitaire. I won every game in a row, something that never happened before! or since! I felt in a dreamy state as I played.

    Newest small, occasional practice, because nothing lasts very long with me, I focus in the center of my head, and ask my higher self to merge with me and take me to the next level.

    Lots of forgetting!!!

    I am in total trust of the process with me and all of you, we are together lifting ourselves and our world to a heavenly one. Love and blessings to all!

  13. Tom Magnussen permalink
    October 12, 2010 9:27 am

    You are not alone here. My wife and I are both experiencing “stuff”. Mine matches what you are describing, Steve. Only my cycles are in days. Lots of other ‘physical’ symptoms too. And some that are so far out, I would never tell a mainstream medical doctor, even hesitate telling the more holistic medical folks.

  14. October 12, 2010 9:10 am

    I so appreciate your openness and honesty, Steve. I think this must be the way we’ll all be communicating (with absolute openness and honesty) once we reach fifth dimension fully. I suddenly felt much better in the last few days of Sept and first few days of October, but now again, I wake up feeling like I’ve been doing intense manual labor all night long instead of sleeping. I’m wondering how I’m going to go to the event tonight, where I have obligations. It seems like you’re always a step ahead of me, exposing me to information that I need to consider next. Gratitudes and blessings! Take care of yourself.

  15. Chuck Sweet permalink
    October 12, 2010 7:06 am

    Wow, it is really good to know that I am not the only one who has to stop in the middle of doing something because I plain, suddenly, do not have the energy or focus to continue. I find myself napping at odd times, sometimes even shortly after getting up from a nap. My GF thinks it very strange that I will get up, spend 2 hours up, go and nap for 3 hours, get up and be back in bed an hour later…all through the day, or even sleeping most of the day, up for a few hours and then sleep much of the night too. I have a massively rebuilt neck, which, to her, partially explains things since I am on heavy pain meds for that, amongst others, but certainly it does not explain how I can be feeling great and full of light and energy one moment and then suddenly cannot stop yawning and have to retire to the bed again shortly thereafter. I have done much spiritual and chackric clearing, have had entire days with NO pain (very different for me, let me tell you) and feel very upbeat about what is happening on the various planes of existence which we inhabit. Still, it has been quite the trip to get here, and I foresee more hills and dips to come!

    Roller Coaster ride for sure, but at least I am not the only one on it!!

    Thank You for posting this Steve, it is actually very reassuring to know that I am not the only one on this ride! (However, when I find that being that told me that I “Would Always Live in Interesting Times” he/she/it and I are going to sit down and have a very long talk!!)

    May the Light of Love and all Creation smooth your path ahead!

  16. laura petrilli permalink
    October 12, 2010 7:04 am

    I have been saying to my self lately ” how does Steve keep up his work on this website?” Its extremely hard to focus right now, I am pretty much feeling like you Steve.
    I my self have some very important paper work to , but i just cant focus and i start and stop. I gave up on it for now. I am putting it out to my higher self to finish this paper work when it feels right, and I’m not gonna think about it anymore, and know that it will be taken care of some how.
    I am also experiencing this start and stop energy, Sometimes i have to ‘Lay down right now” People laugh when i say that. but its true. I could be shopping strolling in the woods or visiting neighbors and I will literally lay down where ever i am, even if I’m in my car, i relax the seat and stop for ten minutes and re-energize, I just ask my Higher self to give me some energy to make it thru this task or the rest of the day, MY higher self always comes thru, every time.

  17. Gunnar permalink
    October 12, 2010 6:58 am

    I don’t make any agreements for days ahead because of this roller coaster.

    But then, I just know people stuck in the illusion in my area, and I don’t want longer talks with them any more anyway. It’s like they suck me back into what I long to get out of – an insane world view, an illness of mind. I eschew that now likewise as not watching TV and not reading “news” papers.

    So I go for a walk when I feel good enough and smile at people. And when I feel too painful or exhausted I accept that as part of the changes we go through and wait for it to pass. Generally I feel rather better in the morning and it tends to get bad towards the evening as of now.

    My suggestion for you would be to accept more, listen more and more to your heart than to your mind, and don’t do anything while it hurts. But then this comment of mine is the fourth in that direction already 😉 Someone seems to have infected you with a rather persistent “achiever program”. Heal yourself and you heal the world, someone insightful said.

    In case you want a little more authority than me, you may enjoy this channeling by Meredith Murphy:

    Be well.

  18. October 12, 2010 6:01 am

    Dear Steve…….just know you are not alone with this. Thank you for helping me to know I am not alone with this either. love. jc

  19. October 12, 2010 4:58 am

    Hi Steve,
    Yes, it’s excruciating, the vulnerability. I want to disappear, then some days feel as high as a kite and other days I have no idea what the hell I’m doing here. Nothing fits, nothing is linear, nothing makes any left brained sense. I walk in the streets and see nonsense, I watch the tv and it feels like madness; I put food into my mouth and chew it and swallow. I drink tea but and pretend that I am present in ‘my life’ whatver that means…

  20. October 12, 2010 4:02 am

    Given what you say is going on with you, I’m astonished at your capacity to articulate it.

  21. Marielle permalink
    October 12, 2010 3:53 am

    Wow Steve…i have been feeling the same way this year…it actually started late last year and i had to go to the doctor thinking i had chronic fatigue syndrome!!…
    Only last week did i feel soo bad that i had to go back to the doctor who ordered a set of full blood tests…i know in my heart that it is not something that a doctor will i have had a gut feeling something different is happening and it has nothing to do with any medical condition…Many are feeling the same way too…so something is definitelly happening to us ‘humans”…I hope it’s an upgrade as we are long overdue for one!! 🙂
    xxx Love and light,M ❤

  22. Tess permalink
    October 12, 2010 2:53 am

    Hi Steve

    You’ve done it again! I’m so glad I’m not the only one to emerge on the other side of 10.10.10 feeling as though I could sleep for a week and so emotionally raw that it feels like my skin has been flayed off. I should know better. As soon as I start to feel that I’ve got this ‘living in the now’ business cracked, I get a swift reminder that there’s a long way to go. My main consolation (in the midst of all the old family patterns that are exploding around me) is the way that events are synchronised to such an extent that people turn up, emotions come up and next day I find at least one email in my inbox that sheds great light on what has just happened. And I can usually rely on you to raise a few salient points. It all feels way too organised to be chance. I feel pretty shellshocked, but I’m way past the point of no return on this pathway to change. Be kind to yourself. Keep on doing what you do so well, but bear in mind this whole process is about loving you first and that means meeting your own needs. I could do it without you – but it would be so much harder without your company. Blessings. Tess

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