10-10-10: A Watershed Day
It feels like a day beyond which to put aside childish things. Some of the matters which are arising for me are:
Cleaning, Clearing, Completing
My mind feels preoccupied with thoughts of trimming down and getting rid of needless things. If I cannot take anything insentient (unconscious of itself) with me, then I may as well discard that which shows up like a burden on my consciousness, an extra and needless weight. I find myself considering getting rid of videos I haven’t watched and probably never will watch, books, files, knick-knacks, things that are obsolete, broken, worn-out.
I find myself cleaning surfaces, thinking of painting, rearranging. I’ve put down on a list certain cleaning and scouring items. I have thoughts of dusting and vacuuming hard to reach places.
I see myself completing with people with whom I’ve had outstanding grievances, separating myself from anything trivial and irrelevant. I’m letting go of time-filling activities and just being in the space freed up.
Absorbing, Integrating and Radiating
I’m opening to the energies of love, light, and forgiveness, integrating what I receive, and sending it back out into the world. I’m letting go of thoughts of hoarding, hanging onto, stopping the flow of the river.
I feel myself wanting to align with what I regard as true, authentic, real. I’m reviewing in my mind the various ways of “truing up” – acknowledging my errors, sharing my withholds, being with and observing my upsets, speaking the truest truth I can see, dropping my desires to please and entertain. I see a shifting from external sources of information and knowledge to internal. I see myself consulting myself.
I’m drawn to fasting today, except for juices, supplements and medications. I find myself repeating my mantra and the Gayathri. I am silent inside. I hear the sound of the cosmic motor, Aum, above my head and to the left.
Reorienting to Time
I have no sense of regularity or repetition. I have no sense of a weekly cycle, but only of this day being the first day of my preparation for Ascension and tomorrow being the second.
I have no sense of what I need to do in terms of ensuring future continuity of anything, like a personality or a historical being or a placeholder or statusholder, but only what I need to do now. I have no sense of anything I’m wanting to continue or safeguard or accumulate.
I have a great desire to shed, reduce, uncover. I have a great need for solitude, nature, purity, self-stillness, self-silence. I notice I’m not whistling, hankering, busying myself. At the moment, I’m just sitting, straight-backed, hands on my lap, being.